My score was inspired by the disjointed and wandering progression of Yoko Ono’s scores in her book Grapefruit, the similarly disjointed and wandering of my own mind. The score is supposed to emulate the way my ADD causes my mind to regularly repeat, fail, and stall as I try to complete both simple and complex tasks. Yoko Ono’s scores reminded me of that process because of its often abrupt changes in direction and tone, as well as its occasional repetition and abstract directions.
Another component that inspired me was how Ono’s scores didn’t always have conclusions, and when they did, they were either abstract or ambiguous. Those vague endings related to the cyclical concept I wanted to put into my score, so I decided to end my score in such a way that the ending was open-ended and also ambiguous enough that the score could just be read over and over (almost) seamlessly.
I was also in part inspired by Jeanann Verlee’s poem “Good Girl”, specifically the portion that reads:
Every morning I sit at the kitchen table over a tall glass of water swallowing pills. […] (So I remember the laundry.) (So I remember to call.) (So I remember the name of each pill.) (So I remember the name of each sickness.)
It is a very good representation of the uses of medication and by extension a representation of the simple things that can be lost or forgotten through illness.
Sit down
Take out a piece of paper
Look up at the ceiling
Take out another piece of paper
Stare at the paper
Stand up and walk back and forth
Think about the paper
Cry
Throw away both papers
Sit down
Think about crying
Take out another piece of paper
Throw away the paper
Sit down